mentality disorder?

Tonight my blogging mood is back.

I've been busy with works, church, cg, & emerge's competition.

I was very happy that my personal testimony challenge is finished. Well, that was really a great experience for me to share a simple yet unforgettable moment with everyone.

However, I am very sad I couldnt join Emerge's Got Talent this year. I've been looking forward this competition since last year. I thought I could grab this chance to do something I never done before. :( Too bad, I can only blame I dont have any skills to stand out myself. Well, I'm still young. I'll be back next year!

Right now, I'm just gonna concentrate on my 2010 bulletin design competition. I still in the midst of doint research on all kinds of design which can apply in the theme of "relevantly engaging". I really need more inspiration to start design bulletin. I want more creativity! :)

On the other hand, I realize I'm having some mentality problem. Dont be shock ya. I'm just trying to say something like a disorder, difficulty to communicate with people especially guys. I kept asking myself, what is the problem that causing me to be like this? Well, I guess that I've been through alot of dissapointment from the past few years. Whoever I'm with, I always receive disappointments. Not blaming them, just have to clarify that I know I am not perfect, especially come to giving people around me with expectations. I expect people can be a little bit more responsible, a little bit more sensitive, a little bit more sharp, a little bit more appreciative, and a little bit less emotional(EMO).

And so my relationship with peoples are messed up. Relationships are broken, truly, i know the wound is still there. Everything is no longer the same. He or she still behave the same towards me. I hoping someday they could gimme themselves or gimme a chance to make a change. However, one side couldnt do anything. Whatever I want to do, I just do it.

I feel very very tired when I keep trying to do something for people. Helping others? or in the other ways to say it more 'honorable' - Lay down my life. Am I being 'lebih' or 'bodoh'? Haha. Just feel there's a hinder stopping me to step forward. Hmm..Whatever la.

It's okay. I still believe. :)

p/s: I just changed my hair color again. :) Do you like it?

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